You Can’t Run Into a Burning Building If You Don’t Love Things on Fire

At first it starts off small;
manifesting as rebellion
against what most would call “normal.”
At some point you can no longer pretend
to accept
and in this awareness
you subconsciously commit.
You reject.  You leave.  You close a
door and open a window. Not to jump
out, even though yes, you’ve thought
of that too, but to let in the
outside.  Get air.
You do things you never thought
you would or could.
You leave the family that made you
because they abandon you first, have always
abandoned you.
You leave the family you made,
repeating the theme of abandonment
but only because you cannot make it work any
other way.
You are conflicted about this as you
watch the news at night, as you drink coffee
in the mornings.  You do not know how
to make anything right which is what you
thought you were doing this whole time.
You find solace in something as simple as
a hamburger or the fleeting moment of
a glimpse of violet sky.
Sometimes you even pray.

Once you finally see that your struggle
is an unbeatable battle, that those from whom you
are seeking acceptance are not the ones
with whom you should be holding court–
as soon as you see it is yourself–
you begin to forgive.

As soon as you begin to forgive, is when you start to breathe,
as soon as you begin to breath is when you begin to begin.

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